Most of the time, when students are asked why they train in
the fighting arts or self-defense, they often list loved ones as their main
reason for training. The people we are most likely to want to protect will be
the people we love, ourselves only coming in second place at best. Personally, the
well-being of my one-eyed pug Magoo comes before my own safety. However, a
valuable lesson I learned when training in first aid, we are useless to our
friends and family if we’re dead or incapacitated. That’s the sad truth. So,
when it comes to personal protection, there are some key principles that we
need to remember to keep ourselves and our loved ones out of harm’s way.
Training and pressure testing are required in order to be efficient, but the
following are some observations and notes I’ve made when working in the field
over the years.
Talk Smart, not Fast
One aspect of training in security that I was never
comfortable with was role-playing to practice verbal de-escalation. I’m glad I
awkwardly toughed it out, because this is, hands down, the single most
important thing that I’ve learned. Being able to stay calm and speak clearly
has saved my ass more than anything else when I was bodyguarding. The first
thing I had to get used to was to speak slow and clear. With an accelerated
heart-rate, it’s hard to fight the temptation to talk fast, but this often just
aggravates the aggressor, especially if they can’t follow what you’re saying.
Blade the body slightly and non-telegraphically so that you’re not standing chest-to-chest
with them. This can be interpreted as a challenge and turning away slightly
keeps your valuable targets a little more protected from them. Don’t agree with
them, but empathize always. Start most of your sentences with something like “I
understand how that can upset you, but…” Avoid mentioning any kind of
consequences, no matter what the context. Saying something like “let us go and I
won’t call the cops” might just put an outcome into their head that they hadn’t
considered, which could lead to desperate decisions. If you have reason to
believe that the aggressor is intoxicated, casually move around while you talk
(a large circle if possible). If at any point you think this is making them
more aggressive, stop right away, but when they’re really under some kind of
influence they’ll have a hard time keeping track of what’s happening and often
pacify. Personally, I’ve had good results from this when working in bars.
If you’re with a loved one, anything other than trying to
talk down a situation is endangering the person you’re with. No matter how
aggressive you are or comfortable with conflict, others might not be and they
are at risk also. Keep the attention on you at all times and keep any movements
in the context of conversation.
Communicate Clearly
So we’ve considered the idea of talking ourselves out of a
potential situation for the sake of someone we’re with, but what happens if we
have to engage? In my experience, when a fight breaks out, the innocent people
usually freeze up. This, of course, keeps them at risk. Always remember to
speak loud and clear. Keep instructions simple and confined to a single
sentence. Yell it as loud as you can, regardless of how close or far they are. The
volume will instantly add urgency and just keep repeating it until they are
away and safe. Avoid vague orders like “go get help!”, instead something
specific and clear like “run outside now!”. Be prepared to repeat this often,
because sometimes it takes a lot for someone to fight through the paralyzing
fear of being in a conflict. Your priority is staying in between the aggressor
and your loved one so that they can get to safety and, if you’re really lucky,
get some help!
Do Not Over-Commit
Defending yourself and sport fighting are not the same
thing, so hopefully you’ve considered this in your training. Don’t over-engage
the aggressor. Grappling and getting tunnel-vision might hinder you or, worse,
the person you’re trying to protect. If you’re not paying attention to them or
rolling around on the floor in a wrestling match you won’t notice if a second
attacker gets involved. You could be pinned down and helpless as a second
person you hadn’t noticed suddenly started chasing your friend or loved one as
they try to run for help. Draw a line in the sand, so to speak. Establish a
boundary and if the aggressor stops pushing past that, you should too. Keep
them at bay by standing your ground, but don’t take the bait if they’re trying
to lure you in. Restraint tactics are crucial in this kind of scenario, but
that takes a lot of training and testing. Keep your head on a swivel.
In my experience, both in training and in teaching, the mind
is more focused when there’s something external to worry about. Movements are
smoother and technique becomes more crisp because we’re more focused on what we’re
protecting, not what we should do next. In application, however, there are unexpected
emotions that get involved. I mention this here because the first few times
this happened to me it caught me so off guard that I almost made the whole situation
worse. There is no training that can really prepare you for the absolute fear
and anger that comes with someone trying to hurt a loved one, so at least
consider meditating on this. Remember that you’re probably training for the
people you love as much as for you, so do whatever you can to keep any conflict
from happening. They’re your priority.
Have a Happy
Valentine’s Day and stay safe!!
Jordan Bill
Fight or Die
This article is also
dedicated to the memory of Bad News Brown, a musician and a legend. He took a
chance on me by hiring me for one of my first jobs in personal protection. I learned
a lot working with him and the world lost a great man. Rest in Peace.
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